Start Anyway (Letter to Self)

I've been writing for a long time.

I've been writing seriously for a long time.

I've completed (written, revised) some drafts.

I've completed (written, unrevised) some drafts.

I've started countless drafts.

I still don't feel like I know how to write a novel.

As part of my graduate program last semester, I was paired with an editor to work on a draft of a novel. I learned an incredible amount about the way I write -- but it was mostly learning about the many ways in which I should not write.

I have another one of those happening this coming semester. I have to submit the first fourth of the draft in less than two weeks. In the past two weeks I've brainstormed one novel. Then, last week, I threw it out and started on something entirely new.

I started by outlining. But it's been days of scribbling and brainstorming and still coming out with many questions and very few answers. I know a few things about this new novel. But those small things pale in comparison to what I don't know.

It makes me nervous to start writing without knowing the road ahead. Who was it that said something about writing being like driving at night with your headlights on? (Doctorow?) That's what I'm clinging to right now -- that if I just start, things will eventually fall into place.

I don't know the end of this novel. Or the middle. Or even (if I'm being honest) the beginning. But it's time to start anyway.

I don't know if this is the best advice. I've written a lot, but I still haven't hit on a personal process that gives me a road map for what I'm about to sit down and do.

Maybe that's because there isn't one. Maybe it's different every time you sit down to start something new.

I still don't feel like I know how to write a novel.

Right now, I have to start anyway.